You Know You Are A Triathlete When?

I have a running gag going for the last few years on and off on my website and it makes up the last chapter of my book. “You know you are a runner when….” Lots of my friends contributed to the list from 2008 to late 2009, when we published the first book…. I felt it was fitting to add this year, especially since Janet and I are less than three weeks away from Ironman Texas, “You know you are a triathlete when…” Feel free to send comments back and I will add them to the list. This inaugural list was compiled by Janet and I emailing each other and drinking wine at the same time. Please do not be offended and you are required to laugh. If you do not get it, you need to ask a triathlete……

You know you are a triathlete when…

1. You think it’s normal to wear spandex 24/7.


2. You can blow your nose while on the bike without using tissue. (runners call this a snot rocket)


3. You know the psi needed for your tires, yet can’t remember the garage door code.


4. You have found even more areas to apply body glide you didn’t think were possible.


5. You have no problem loaning body glide or chapstick to a triathlete you don’t even know.


6. You come to the realization there is justification for public nudity in transition, and you are OK with it.


7. You feel that receiving a drafting penalty hurts worse than a tax bill.


8. You think swimming through pee is not so bad, and you pee often in your wetsuit and/or in the lake.


9. You contemplate how to pee on the bike when riding, and you are a girl.


10. You can speed on your bike, eat a gel and yell “on your left” to a pedestrian or other cyclist, all at the same time.


11. You put your helmet on backwards leaving transition and don’t want to stop and fix it because it takes too much time.


12. You think it’s sexy to have your race number sun burnt into your calf and show it off like a badge of honor.


13. You have worse tan lines than a farmer’s tan.


14. Your cycling race wheels are worth more than your neighbor’s car….or your car.


15. You realize flatulance is pretty funny in a wetsuit and warm on cold swim days.


16. You plan for your first Ironman tattoo before you even sign up for the race.


17. You press your race bibs with an iron and file or display for future admiration.


18. You find yourself yelling “on your left” as you pass other carts in the grocery store.


19. You find that a six hour bike ride is a warm up.


20. You wash your bike more than you wash the dog.


21. You look forward to aging as this will be your only way to stand on the podium in an older age group or qualify for Kona.


22. You realize you look like a squid or a sperm in your aero helmet and kinda like it.


23. You realize salt tablets on hot race days are like crack for triathletes.


24. You conveniently happen to have your race medal on you at work for “show and tell”.


25. New tri gear websites make you salivate.


26. You’ve been known to check your Training peaks log even more often then your email on your IPhone.


27. When you start to think it is normal to go to bed before 9pm and get up at 5am.


28. You can’t remember the last time you slept in past 6 am on a Saturday.


29. You rationalize that somehow it’s not completely crazy to try the first open water swim of the season when the lake water is only 58 degrees.


30. You own at least ten swim suits, five pair of goggles, a dozen bathing caps, swim fins, a pool buoy and at least a wet suit and speed suit if not two.


31. You have an entire chest of drawers full of running and biking clothing; but still shop for more practically weekly or even daily.


32. You have more pair of athletic socks with “wicking action” then you have pantyhose or dress socks.


33. You own more than a dozen pairs of running shoes and can justify why you need each and every one.


34. Your inventory of hats and visors equals your running shoes or greater.


35. You have at one time documented and tallied everything you eat or put in your mouth, even a tic-tac, in order to evaluate your nutrition even though you are at least 20 pounds under your “ideal weight”.


36. You have a plan “A”, plan “B”’, and a “try not to die” race plan.


37. You start to think an Ironman is not such an insurmountable challenge and start figuring out how you can qualify for Kona.


38. You regularly have to explain that you are not a victim of domestic violence, those are just your “crash bruises”.


39. Your biggest fear is skin cancer even though you practically bathe in sunscreen.


40. Even your kids start to think they have to swim, bike or run just to spend quality time with Mommy.


41. You have more water bottles than wine glasses in your cupboards.


42. Your refrigerator has more protein shakes and Gatorade in it than milk or soda.


43. You have a following on Facebook that lives vicariously through your training and racing ups and downs.


44. You have peeps that you feel like you have known forever through training, but they may not even know your last name (or your first, come to think of it).


45. Blisters, chaffing, road rash and sunburn (an the occasional broken toe) are just a minor annoyance.


46. You show off your peeling sunburn and chip holder tan line on your ankle with pride on the Monday after a race.


47. All of your t-shirts say things like 70.3, 140.6, etc…and you have at least 100+ you can’t part with.


48. When you wake up in the morning with every muscle and joint in your entire body hurting and think, “I had a great work out yesterday”.


49. When you know the exact distances that make up a sprint, Olympic, Half-ironman, and ironman race segments by heart and keep explaining to your friends that they are not all an Ironman and not all in Hawaii.


50. When your workouts have taken the pace of any kind of social life.


51. When you cross the finish line of your first triathlon.
    
    Smile…..and add to the list!